I had a good day today, until of course my stupid mom and my stupid stepdad ruined it.

Moving to Florida is apparently a possibility. Uhm, no. No. No. No. I hate the weather. I hate the sunshine. I hate the environment. I hate the relaxed, beachy atmosphere it gives off. At least… year-round? What the hell? I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I HATE FLORIDA. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s a bad place. Some people like the sunshine and a calm, beachy atmosphere. Not me. I hate it. I like the rain, I like the darkness, I like four distinctly different seasons. It’s beautiful. Florida is my kind of summer or spring break — that’s it.

And so it’s no wonder that I’ve thought of suicide or running away. Again. It’s not because my life will be over because I’ll lose my friends or whatever. It’s for personal reasons, things that are simply much too personal to share online, more so get into detail.

And that bitch of a mother and stepdad I have get offended when I want to grow up or get away? Puh-lease. I’m here because I’ve nowhere else to go. My dad, yeah, but he’s the reason WHY I left the Philippines. He’s not a bad person or anything, don’t get me wrong, but it’s the situation with me having to move around back and forth, changing my opinions constantly so as to not offend anyone. To remain politically correct. Tactful. Respectful. But, no. In my desire to constantly please everyone, I don’t even know what I really want myself. I say that I want this and that, but it’s only usually to impress other people. If I’m left all alone in the world, told to do anything I want, without taking anyone’s wants into consideration and only my own, I’d probably just steal a rifle and shoot myself in the head. Because really, I don’t know what I want. I don’t have a mind of my own. All I do is please people, because when I don’t, I hurt people terribly and I’m being inconsiderate. But when I don’t say anything, I’m supressing my feelings and not trusting anyone, which hurts people as well. When I do say something, though, and it’s about something that matters, of course what I say isn’t important because I’m just a kid.

Of course right now it seems shallow, but there’s much more to this than any of y’all would ever know.

But.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! JUST GO DROP DEAD, OR BETTER YET, WHY DON’T I?! IT’D MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD A WHOLE LOT LESS COMPLICATED.

DIEDIEDIE.